within the eyes of pain

forgiveness is what gives light in our eyes.

But sometimes they are tainted by lies

of those who manipulate the child within.

As I begin to tell

the story and journey

of the path taken to get out of hell.

Finding the way out of something so dark

where love was scarce and friends few

but know that I keep you

inside of my heart and mind.

That somehow the love I had for you

carried you from hell

and into the light.

Love found

within the eyes of pain

woke up screaming gods name

but shame has kept humility in contempt

and turning a blind eye to the truth

has melted ones soul

can only cause one to grow old

through the fire and lies of the devil himself

a new soul reborn.

Needing love and time to learn

what it takes

to give love

with no expectations

just love returned

with forgiveness.

A mother calls out for the father she could never provide for her son.

As she pleads and screams, her son crys out in a whisper

Waiting for a dream.

Reading and listening to words sounding so sweet.

Soothing him at night, for words was the comfort he could not find in his mother.

The pages of the books turn

And more he grew to learn

These words and stories

Were all he had, and the insecure worries

Of ever finding a ever after to his own tragedy.

Sentences and paragraphs define his existence.

As he pushes away love, just to maintain face.

He looks at the beautiful woman to find grace.

Stories always have a love story within.

As he turns to the next chapter,

He realizes this book is his own life.

Documented and unaccounted for

Are the memories and pain

Of living a life in vain.

As he finds a life for himself

Within these chapters and pages

He forgets the chapter of his mother

Searching for a father.

A father to guide and protect

in ways a mother can’t do.

As she runs down the bridge

She pleads and screams

Where is my lover?

Where is my friend?

When is my happiness going to begin?

How is my son going to know how to be a man?

Where do I go to lay my pain down?

Where is my man?

Where is the knight who is going to slay the demons of my life?

She runs to the horizon

Where the sun meets the water.

She is so close that she can almost touch it.

And she is on top of the world.

Reaching her hand out to touch the sun.

She falls gently off the bridge and into the water.

And under the water

Is her pain

And an unsolved mystery known as the father.

Some secrets and some stories
Of how I found myself unknowingly.

I want to tell you

I’ve created so many false lives and lies.
So you could love me a little more.

I wanted to be a hero in disguise.

I want to tell you
All of my truths that are cold
Truths that are frozen over time.
One more day and I will let these truths out of this freezer.
But these days turned into weeks
Andcaused my truths to freezer-burn.

I want to tell you

These moments I have.
Where I am free
I have a piece of your smile in my pocket
And a piece of your gladness I keep with me.
So these moments go by really fast
Nothing nor people last forever
So I got to hold on and let go quickly
so I don’t get too attached.

I want to tell you
Some secrets and some stories
That live in my heart.
Of how I find and lose myself
unknowingly.
How hard it is to keep my sanity
In a room full of vanity.
But I told you some of me in a dream.
Now I put on my heart shield
and off to the sun I go.
Before I let you know
all of these things that I want to tell you.

You throw at me.

But you were afraid to throw your heart to me

Afraid I’d catch it with my fist

And hold on to it too tightly

And cause it to brake.

My tears fall down my face.

And my tears taste like cement.

I could never be enough

For myself and the speculators higher than me

Could we get awaywith your minimum wage pay?

And with my eyes always astray

Looking for the next brighter day?

Beauty was not my name,

But you called me by it.

And you’d do everything for my beauty,but nothing for me.

I am intoxicatedon a daily basis.

The bottle is always half-empty for me.

The weight of my spiritgets heavier

As you walk away from me.

And the weight of the liquor in my cupgets lighter.

I couldn’t give you my self.

Another night I gave you what I intended to be, not who I was.

I drink up my insecuritiesand sleep on my loneliness.

So it’s all up to me, to decide to just be.

A sunflower is picked out of the ground.
It cannot hang onto its roots.
It is forever detached
from all that it has known to be.

A picked sunflower
you gave me.
There is no sign of its roots
but just its marvelous yellow beauty
shining back at me.

The sunflower is what I carry around with me.
In the mysterious hours of the night,
there is the sunflower, there by my side.
And it is bright
it has been more of a guide
than you will ever be.

The sun
shines its beautiful rays
onto the sunflower.
They outshine my dull ways.

Over time
pedals fall off of the picked sunflower.
There are no roots
to help it re-grow.
To go back
to all that it used to know.

But I realized
this sunflower is me.
I had this light inside
trying to illuminate and outshine
all the darkness in my mind.

Over time
there was no nourishment
for my mind.
You abruptly took me from all that connected me to the sun.
Cut off from roots
just to please somebody’s eye.
I had let this go on for some time
without saying a word.
Now tell me
who is the lie?
Is it you
or is it I?

I will be the martyr for your heart.

And in death of one self

I am reborn.

Once again, living within the sun and your love

inside the dark hole known as loneliness

I fight off these tears and blackened hearts that come to me.
I fall to my knees

Begging for your love’s light

Giving my one last plea

Never surrendering to the dark hole

Or letting it consume my whole soul.

Now my soul and tears

Are worn on my face

And not on my sleeve

I needed you to want and believe

In all of the good in me
and not the bitter, forgotten woman I had used to be.

The sun breaks out of a cloud.
And here is your smile.
My hopes are daring and loud.
Preying on your love’s shining light,
Toguide me through my soul’s dark nights.

And I am now free.

Love has released mefrom all pain

That has caused me such strain and disdain,

For others and myself.

I love you

And I am now real.

Many times before

I was in an illusion.

I was a fake.

Doing all I can

Just to manipulate and take.

But now I love you

And I am real.

Ready to let my wounds heal.

I love you

And I am freely me.

I don’t have to look over my shoulder

Or worry about monsters and demons.

I love you

And I am real.

I roll down the hills of timeand I begin to smile.

You were waiting for my love, waiting for my free self.

I love you, I can now see.

All that I have doneto hurt others and myself

Love has set me free

Your love has finallyallowed me to letthe pain and past be.

For men foreplay doesn’t start at the beginning of sexual intercourse, it starts the minute his eyes lay upon you and everything associated with you. It’s the sexy apparel that accentuates your lovely curves and the way you maintain your appearance. It’s the way you smell and the way you talk.

When a man enters your home and it is clean he is immediately at ease. Now comes the ‘co-ordinate effect’ as was reflected in an episode of the movie blockbuster “Boomerang.” Your body should reflect the cleanliness of your home. Your body odor whether perfumed or not should be pleasant and inviting like that of your home. Your nails should be manicured and pedicure and, please, have the nail polish all on or all off. And whether your hair is styled or wrapped in a scarf doesn’t matter if you do these simple steps.

Ladies you must understand that it doesn’t take much to tease a man. Remember the old adage of wearing only your t-shirt and panties. Well it’s tried and true, but even we ladies need some added explanation on this subject. If you wear a size large, go one size smaller. If you wear a medium, go small. But please be barefooted showcasing those pretty feet. Now I know many of you think that ‘booty shorts’ or ‘boy shorts’ is very appealing, but you leave nothing to the imagination. Allow the man to remove those items as it in his aggressive nature to tear into things. Let him tear into you and ravish you with hungry passion.

Now, have you forgotten that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder? So ladies, why do you put so much emphasis on your facial features? Whether you have long eyelashes or not, busy eyebrows or not really doesn’t matter because what accentuates those features is your smile. You must, I repeat, you must have great dental hygiene and that means no smoky breath. No matter what a man says, he loves to kiss. If your teeth are white and your tongue sweet you won’t have to wonder about a man giving you foreplay. He will kiss you deep and caress you ever so gently. He will suckle each breast hungrily and will descend between your thighs to feast on your succulent fruit until you cry out his name.

So ladies if you adhere to these simple principles you will come, and I mean that literally and figuratively, to see he has no fear of wondering whether or not your luscious fruit taste good or if the smell is unpleasant. He only wants to show you his appreciation for you being the most beautiful, sexy, sweet, tantalizing woman at that moment. And you will have so many wonderful moments.

The most thrilling aspect of sex has to be the ‘one night stand.’ It can be compared to bungee jumping, parachute diving, or riding in the front seat of a roller coaster. It exhilarates us, purging our body of unwanted fear, pushing us over the edge of excitement into the abyss of pure ecstasy.

I’m sure everyone has had at least one ‘one night stand.’ At the political convention where you two disagreed 99% of the time, but that 1% you spent agreeing behind the republican banner, with your back against the wall and legs wrapped around his waist. How about the pool party where he had you at the deep end of the pool, diving deep within your oasis? And remember that soft rainy day at the art museum where you two were discussing Rembrandt and next you were in the doggy style position next to Mona Lisa? Or how about the love in the club where you two occupied a bathroom stall together?

A ‘one night stand’ is the best of all sexual gratifications. There is nothing more stimulating than meeting that person for the very first time and letting them have their way with you. It was that one moment you when you experienced the greatest joy of being a freak, without a care in the world. You would never be judged because you would never see that person again. No last names given, no exchanging phone numbers, not caring if one is already belonging to another, just a heated exchange of pure, passionate, sexual excitement.

Are you willing to share details about your “One Night Stand?”

When it comes to sex for men, there is a thin line between what a man wants and what a man needs. But its effect upon their sexual drive and life’s overall performance is enormous.

Men have been relaying this message to us over the last two or three decades in song and in person in the very old adage, “I need a Lady in the house and a Freak in the bed.” But for some reason women are not listening or have a bad understanding that men need oral sex and sexual gratification daily. They want it whenever, however, and wherever, without any debate whatsoever.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, please understand that man is a natural leader and aggressor. He needs his woman to have a less aggressive mentality when they are together. If a woman is more talkative or dominates the discussion and is defiant because of her independence, he will feel the need to compete as in all man’s nature, because he may feel threatened or even belittled. When a woman asserts herself because of her free spirit and independence, he feels there isn’t anything he can teach her or impress her for that matter. She has fractured his ego and now he has no desire to cherish her body in a passionate erotic way. He skips the foreplay except for a few fingers he inserts inside to loosen her up and then manhandles her in either the doggy style or missionary position. It is quick, hard, and deliberate. There is no kissing afterwards, except for a few pecks on the back of the neck or cheek before he dismounts.

So ladies, if you truly understand what it means to be a lady in the house and a freak in the bed, then you will understand what men want and what men need.